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WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
Signs that you are too drunk would be...
* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
* Job interfering with your drinking.
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.
* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
* Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
* You can focus better with one eye closed.
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
* Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
* At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
* You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm.
* The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in
